The 12 Chores Of Christmas

Since my wife works at a school, during Christmas and New Year’s she has about two weeks off. Of course, she spends it with our 17-year-old daughter and our 25-year-old son, who is home for a visit from graduate school. It also gives her time to come up with a “Honey Do” list for me to complete by the new year. Here is mine for 2014, set to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas.

For the first chore of Honey Do, my wife, she said to me: “Put a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the second chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Don some tactile gloves (to clean the yard) and put a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the third chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “I have three wrench mends (to fix the faucet), two tactile gloves, and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the fourth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Look for fallen turds (from our dog Buddy), three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the fifth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Revive collar rings (laundry)! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the sixth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the seventh chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Porcelain johns need cleaning, fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the eighth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Straight blades for mowing, porcelain johns need cleaning, fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the ninth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Find latchkeys dashing (loose door lock), straight blades for mowing, porcelain johns need cleaning, fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the tenth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Thin boards are leaking (the roof), find latchkeys dashing, straight blades for mowing, porcelain johns need cleaning, fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves, and a cartridge in the printer for me.

For the eleventh chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Uneven pipes need plying, thin boards are leaking, find latchkeys dashing, straight blades for mowing, porcelain johns need cleaning, fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a cartridge in the printer for me.”

For the twelfth chore of Honey Do, my wife she said to me: “Delve in dumpster dumping, uneven pipes need plying, thin boards are leaking, find latchkeys dashing, straight blades for mowing, porcelain johns need cleaning, fix greasy awning, revive collar rings! Look for fallen turds, three wrench mends, two tactile gloves and a-cartridge-in-the-printer-for-me!”

rnagasawa@midweek.com