Assault & Battery

After I get home from work each night, there is a time threshold where I don’t want to leave the house, as I’ve already prepared myself to relax, watch some TV, read and go to bed. That time deadline is 9 p.m. sharp. If that makes me sound like an old man, then so be it. That’s just how I roll.

One evening last week, my wife was helping our 16-year-old daughter prepare for a three-day school retreat. Since that included two overnight stays, she needed to pack camping-type items. Those included snacks, insect repellent and a flashlight. My wife is really good about these things and was assembling her clothes, toiletries and these extra items.

It was 11:30 p.m. and the last item on the list was a flashlight. Like most homes on the island, we have several flashlights that were purchased during past weather storms, power outages and in preparation for possible hurricane strikes.

I must be a lousy provider because in every flashlight she found, the batteries were dead.

She had me check our spare-battery drawer and we had all the sizes except the ones we needed, “C” and “AAA.”

I really didn’t feel like running out to the store, so a search ensued for me to raid other appliances that utilize the same-sized batteries we needed. Size “C” was going to be a challenge, as we probably only used those in portable radios.

I located our portable radio, and although it did utilize “C” batteries, they too were dead. I guess since our source of music these days are iPods and iPhones, the radio doesn’t get pulled out except for emergencies. This emergency, however, was not planned. Frustrated, my wife brainstormed for a few minutes.

Her eyes suddenly lit up and she exclaimed, “I know where we can get AAA batteries – the TV remote controls!”

With that, and although it was now after midnight, I got my car keys and headed off to an all-night convenience store.