Hard Liquor

I’ve mentioned in the past that, in my position as publisher of MidWeek, my wife and I receive quite a few invitations to attend various functions on the island. We’re very honored by this and humbled that they would like us to join them. For the most part, many are for charitable causes, so they are pretty hard to turn down.

And although I appreciate this “social” circuit, sometimes there can be as many as three or four a week. As I’m a pretty simple guy, I often would rather just kick back in front of the TV with my family and dog Buddy or just read a book rather than don a suit or tuxedo. But I never feel obligated, and the people I see at these functions are simply the best.

Sometimes, only I’m invited, so I have to go stag. It’s always great to have my wife with me, and I think we are invited because people want her at their function more than they want me. Anyway, I recently was invited to a dinner, but it was an invite for “one.” It just so happened that our 17-year-old daughter was going out that same evening, so my wife literally had to stay home alone. Of course, my mom and Buddy would be home to keep her company, but I still received the guilt trip.

She just had a single request, which I was more than happy to accommodate. She wanted me to go out to find a new alcoholic beverage for her. Apparently, musical entertainer Nicki Minaj has a line of flavored wine drinks, and my wife wanted the coconut-flavored one to enjoy while she watched movies on the Hallmark or Lifetime channel. I was on it.

I scoured the stores, and I guess because the product is new, some of them did not carry it. When I did find it, they were out of the coconut flavor. After a few hours of searching, I finally found some at Foodland. I grabbed two four-packs and headed for the cashier. It must have been pau hana time, as I was in line with what looked like a bunch of construction workers buying beer and pupus. As my luck would have it, when I got to the cashier, the price was not showing up on the register.

The cashier got on her phone and called someone for a price check, loudly exclaiming the product I was purchasing: “Need a price check for Nicki Minaj’s MYX Fusions Moscato & Coconut.”

Although I was avoiding looking at them, I could see all the construction guys snickering about my “manly” purchase. Well, I decided to “own” the situation.

I told the cashier that I like to sip it while I give myself a pedicure.