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If The Shoe Fits

Black Friday and Cyber Monday have come and gone, but at least one purchase I made continues to haunt me. I’m not a big fan of those shopping days, and I am usually a bystander rather than a participant. For my wife and 17-year-old daughter, those days are like the best dessert you could ever eat. Although they’re buying gifts for other people, I think they’re addicted to the “hunt.”

While I’m not into that shopping tradition, I’ve been wanting to get a pair of monk strap-style shoes, as I’ve never owned a pair and they seem to be in fashion. It’s just that they cost so darned much.

That’s why, on Cyber Monday, an ad popped up offering a deal on some cool-looking monk straps that I couldn’t refuse.

So I ordered a pair online, for as I said, the shoes were so inexpensive that I could get them without breaking the family bank. When they came in, I decided to wear them to work the next day.

They looked great, and I couldn’t figure out why they were so inexpensive.

I kind of forgot I had them on when I had to get something from our main office. It’s a big, open space with a lot of people in different departments. Everyone was hard at work, so it was pretty quiet.

As I walked down the main aisle, I took notice that my new shoes were squeaking like a freaking mouse. Because of the silence, the sound was amplified about a billion times.

I tried walking gingerly, but it was no use — it sounded like I was wearing those Japanese children’s slippers that squeak every time you take a step. I had a long way to go before I exited the floor, and halfway there I heard some women talking:

“What’s that squeaking noise? Sounds like someone is wearing really cheap shoes!”

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I hoped they would go back to work, but now they were intent on finding the source of the squeak. They looked up and saw me standing idle and asked if I needed anything.

I said no, as I tried walking away without picking up my feet. I was kind of shuffling along as though I was ice skating on the carpet.

That’s what I get for trying to look stylish.