All Tied Up

My wife and I get invited to a great many events, thanks to the generosity of friends and work acquaintances. We try to attend as many of these as we can, as oftentimes I represent our company and our publications.

For the most part it’s fun, as we spend time with some great people and for some really worthy causes.

One drawback is that I can’t simply show up in shorts and a T-shirt, as these events have a dress code. There’s aloha casual, aloha crisp, business attire, cocktail, semi-formal, themed dress and, of course, black tie.

I go to at least three or four events a year that require black tie, so a few years ago I found myself an inexpensive tuxedo and purchased all the accompanying accessories. It has saved me big bucks from having to rent, not to mention all the hassle of getting fitted, picking up and returning the rented monkey suit.

This past week, my wife and I were invited by prominent OB/Gyn Dr. Angela Pratt to sit at her VIP table for the Miss Hawaii USA pageant, the winner of which is the intelligent and beautiful Emma Wo. In case you don’t know, Pratt is a former Miss Honolulu and Mrs. Hawaii United States.

Anyway, this was to be an elegant affair, and black tie was a dress requirement. No problem, as I pretty much have my tux on auto-pilot.

That evening, as I was getting dressed, I could not find my black bow tie. I had just bought a Michael Kors black tie on sale for about 19 bucks and really wanted to wear it. I even had spent significant time learning how to tie it properly. I must have misplaced it or our dog Buddy might have taken it as his new chew toy.

Time was running out, so in desperation I located a clip-on bow tie from a box of our son’s clothing when he was a child. It would simply have to do.

As I stood in front of the mirror clipping the tie in place, my wife stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me.

“Are you really going to wear that tie?” she asked. Then her next comment cut me pretty deep: “I don’t think James Bond would approve of you using a clip-on bow tie.”

Without looking away from the mirror, I wryly replied, “Tonight I’m channeling the other bow tie icon: Pee-wee Herman.”