Wax On, Wax Off

I’ve got to be the stupidest guy on the planet. Seriously, sometimes my own antics are so crazy they’re almost unbelievable even to me! If you’ve been reading my column since it began in 1997, you know that I used to own a black 1995 Dodge Ram truck. Last year, after 180,000 miles and some transmission problems, I reluctantly sold it. To this day I miss my truck and whenever I see one on the road, I reminisce about the fun I had with it.

Of course, I’m not totally suffering without it as in 2007, I bought my dream car, a black Porsche 987 Cayman. Everyone gives me grief about it you know, the mid-life crisis thing, but it’s not red nor is it a convertible. I’ve always been a car guy, having owned an Alfa Romeo Spyder, a Porsche 911 Carrera and even a Lotus Esprit. My wife understands that about me, so since I literally have no other vices, she allows for this major indulgence.

That and having to send our son to college and our daughter to private school has curbed our finances to the point where my next vehicle is probably a Segway. So I try to take great care of my Porsche, and lately thought I would purchase some really high-end car wax for it. Nearly everything I’ve read says a wax of choice is called Carnauba wax, a wax that comes from a palm leaf found in northern Brazil.

So my goal was to find a detailer that uses this Brazilian product. The other day I was parking my car at the grocery store and pulled in next to a car that had advertising stenciled on it. It was like karma, as the car advertised Brazilian Waxing service. Just then a woman came to that car and was about to get in. I yelled out that I wanted to get a Brazilian wax. She seemed unusually accommodating and came over and handed me her business card.

Only then did I realize that this service was for a particular type of bikini waxing to remove “excess” hair. She wanted to schedule an appointment when I explained I wanted to get my “Porsche” waxed. She replied, “Whatever you want to call it.” On thinking about it, I’m so glad I don’t drive a Mini Cooper.